Good listening is not just looking at someone and nodding your head in agreement. You have to acknowledge what is being said and let the other person know that you understand. The more you can acknowledge what is being said, the greater ability you have to persuade and influence. Why? Because the person speaking with you will feel important and understood (Law of Esteem).

Why is listening so difficult for most of us? Why is it that when two people get together and talk, they both walk away with two completely different views about the conversation?  This is an enormous problem in our society today!  Just think about where the world would be today if people took the time to sincerely listen?  Dr. Stephen R. Covey says that to be a Highly Effective Person you must “first seek to understand.”  When you really and truly understand where the other person comes from, your ability to persuade increases 10 fold.  I have included some of the main problems people have with listening so you can get a jump start on developing this critical skill.

• Thinking about our response while the other person is talking. Instead of thinking about what the other person is saying, we often think about what we personally want to say next or where we want the conversation to lead. We are mentally planning our own agenda. In effect, we patiently wait our turn to talk but we never have give and take between the two parties.

• Not Concentrating. We talk at a rate of 120 to 150 words per minute, but we can think 400 to 800 words per minute. This allows us time to think in between words that are being said. We can pretend to listen while really thinking of something else.

• Jumping to Conclusions. Sometimes we assume we know exactly what the other person is going to say next and we begin forming reactions based on those assumptions. We start putting words into the other speaker’s mouth because we are so sure of what they mean.

I encourage you to leave a comment. Are you guilty of any of the above?

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Following are 10 simple guidelines to keep your speech and verbal packaging on the right track.

• Don’t use jargon or technical language unless you are sure every member of your audience understands the meaning.

• Don’t use profanity or slang. In general, using profanity damages your credibility. Be sensitive to whatever language your audience might find offensive, profanity or otherwise. Avoid name-calling and other forms of abusive language.

• Speak in everyday language. You want your audience to relate to you and to feel as comfortable with you as possible. Use language that will make you seem familiar and easy to follow.

• Keep your language simple and clear.

• Keep your sentences short. Use as few words as possible unless you are painting the picture–just one idea at a time.

• Use words that will engage the audience. Use “you,” “we,” “us,” and even “I” if you are relating a personal experience.

• Don’t use vague and abstract words. They muddle your meaning and confuse your listener.

• Don’t talk down to your listener by using pompous and pretentious words. Be direct; don’t bluff or beat around the bush.

• Use verb-driven language. By using verb-driven language, you will arouse a greater sense of action and motivation. Using these kinds of verbs will make your statement more convincing because your audience will engage their emotions, consciously and subconsciously. Verbs that are abstract or overused do not communicate excitement.

• Have a good time doing the above. If you dread what you are doing it will show. Think of the big picture and all the good that comes from your presentation for everyone involved.

Sometimes the right word is no word. On occasion we need to remain silent and let the other person talk. We have heard in sales that the first one to talk after the close loses. After the persuasion process and the final decision is ready to be made, make your proposal and shut up. The silence is nerve-wracking, but it’s a critical time to let the prospect make the decision without you rambling on and on about the product or service.

How often have you noticed a sales rep overselling a product? You were ready to make the purchase by handing over your credit card. The sales rep felt you needed to know everything about the product and he started to fill you in. This caused doubt to creep into your mind and you ended up leaving, telling the salesman you would think about it. When someone has been persuaded and convinced, there is no reason to say any more. Strike when the iron is hot!

More communication is not necessarily better persuasion. In fact, the less you talk, the smarter people think you are. The more you say, the more common and less in control you appear. Many individuals try to impress people with what they know by flaunting all their wisdom, but usually this strategy is just a turn-off.

In our age of ever-expanding communication possibilities, researchers have been drawn to answer the question of which communication mode is most likely to lend itself to successful negotiation. Although the answer is undetermined, Face-to-face communication has been proven to have a greater possibility of alleviating miscommunication. When you're in person, you are more apt to pick up all the nuances of the exchange. That way, you will be better able to gauge what the other party is thinking and to determine the direction in which the negotiating is headed.