Good listening is not just looking at someone and nodding your head in agreement. You have to acknowledge what is being said and let the other person know that you understand. The more you can acknowledge what is being said, the greater ability you have to persuade and influence. Why? Because the person speaking with you will feel important and understood (Law of Esteem).

Why is listening so difficult for most of us? Why is it that when two people get together and talk, they both walk away with two completely different views about the conversation?  This is an enormous problem in our society today!  Just think about where the world would be today if people took the time to sincerely listen?  Dr. Stephen R. Covey says that to be a Highly Effective Person you must “first seek to understand.”  When you really and truly understand where the other person comes from, your ability to persuade increases 10 fold.  I have included some of the main problems people have with listening so you can get a jump start on developing this critical skill.

• Thinking about our response while the other person is talking. Instead of thinking about what the other person is saying, we often think about what we personally want to say next or where we want the conversation to lead. We are mentally planning our own agenda. In effect, we patiently wait our turn to talk but we never have give and take between the two parties.

• Not Concentrating. We talk at a rate of 120 to 150 words per minute, but we can think 400 to 800 words per minute. This allows us time to think in between words that are being said. We can pretend to listen while really thinking of something else.

• Jumping to Conclusions. Sometimes we assume we know exactly what the other person is going to say next and we begin forming reactions based on those assumptions. We start putting words into the other speaker’s mouth because we are so sure of what they mean.

I encourage you to leave a comment. Are you guilty of any of the above?

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